Tuesday, March 10, 2009

life is enhanced with condiments.

call me an asshole, but i like mayo. mayo is an enhancement to food. kind of like hot sauce. they both enhance the flavor of food. i enjoy mayo on many of my foods, and since coming to college i have found that mayo (along with other condiments) has enhanced the flavor of my food and my life. people tell me that i should not eat ranch because its "gross" and that its bad for you, or that is made of mostly mayo...i know... thats why i eat it. although i am aware to the health risks and how mayo is made, i still enjoy it and i guess you could consider it my guilty please. some people smoke parliaments, i eat mayo. but dont get me wrong, i know my limits, it does taste better on some foods (hotdogs, french fries, sandwiches. ) and should not belong on any foods.

i have heard of people choosing to substitute butter for mayo when making a grilled cheese sandwich. personally, i have never tried it, and i think i would much rather us butter over mayo, but i can understand where they can be tasty. i have also heard of people making mayo and peanut butter (sometimes pickles? wtf?) sandwiches. my initial reaction was disgust, but i have heard several occasions of people enjoying it, and i have considered eating one if anyone ever made me one. i have a good feeling that i would enjoy it too. i would imagine someone got really high and got mad munchies and only had mayo and peanut butter and made this.

i like to combine ketchup, mayo and mustard to make fry sauce, when i make it, my friends tend to give me shit, but they dont know that fry sauce is a regional sauce often eaten in the northwest. the normal reaction when i eat fry sauce is confusion. Minh is the only other person that shares my passion for mayo, we both make fry sauce when we eat our fries. sometimes i enjoy the fry sauce more then the fries, especially when they are potato wedges. when i ask people to try some they cringe. why? probably the mayo. or the pale orange color. but really its yummy in my tummy. honestly its nothing like thousand island, it might be made with similar ingredients but its not tangy and sweet like thousand island, and its not like fry sauce its meant to be smothered onto your fries, its meant to be dipped.

i was first introduced to fry sauce growing up in northeast portland. i often went to arctic circle with my family and we would steal packets of fry sauce because we loved that shit so much. we also combined all the sodas into one cup and some how thought that was tasty, and it always gave us diarrhea, but that is besides the point. from those moments on, from 1st- 3rd grade i can always remember fry sauce being something that enhanced my live.

Since being in college I have found condiments to be an abundant resource. I am glad that I have been able to adapt to what I have to eat. I acquired a taste for hot sauce and use it to make any bland boring meal, spicy and exotic. I have gone so far as to stealing my own personal bottle from the school cafieria. I have also discovered the power of salt, and that the pepper packets dont do shit, and you are better off not even sprinkling those shits on at all. I feel fortunate to be able to take advantage of the infinite ketchup, mustard and mayo packets. Some people get mad that I like mayo so much, but its enhancing my food. Dont hate, im just bettering myself


  1. i'm still working at McDonalds, and as much as I wish that place would burn to the ground, I get these questions that make me think "Palm to face...NOW".

    Question 1: "Do You Have Fry Sauce?" NO, we are not the make a wish foundation, we do not have fry sauce. However I can give you big mac sauce and you can be slightly dissapointed.

    Question 2: "I see you have triple-thick milkshakes. Do you have SINGLE thick milkshakes?" If I was allowed to tear this person apart about how retarded they were, I would.

    but you make a strong case about mixing every drink together, two thumbs up.