this is why im fat.

there are probably a lot more reasons to why you are fat then this a lack of exercise, shitty slow metabolism (fuck your parents and their shitty genetics.) or maybe this is why you're fat. But this is why im fat. i was in line for lunch today to get a burrito, not only did i get the burrito that i wanted, i recently discovered that the very authentic, delicious and nutritious, burrito stand: big mouth burrito serves daily specials. Today is Monday. its raining out, its been raining all day... and its also finals week. how much shittier can that get? Well, every Monday the special is churros? WHATT!!?? and with that all my stress , wet socks and finals were fried away in a churro

As a kid I would spend the entire day running around eating samples while my mom bought costco shit: 10lbs of mixed cheese, 30 pairs of cotton socks, air fresheners that came in 6 different scents. After all the red checkered table cloth sample stations and being harassed by the old women in hair nets about food allergies, I would be most excited for the costco food court. Walking towards the checkout, all I could remember seeing was the large picture menu, that looked too good to be true. The foods were always so perfect, so perfect, even the hot dog looked a little sweaty like I just came off the grill. It had just the right amount of relish, and two lines of ketchup and mustard with just the right amount of wave on them. Then there was the chicken bake, and the very berry smoothie, and frozen yogurt with or without fruit, ice cream on a sick, and pizza by the slice or order it by the pie and then the churro.

It none of those food made a lasting impression on my like the churro did. i cant be made with the hot dog, sure it was on a all beef polish dog, sure the very berry smoothie was very berry tasking, and the chicken in the chicken bake was definitely baked chicken. i had a lot of choices to choose from, and the choice i chose was the churro. I can deeply remember the huge sign, and in blue bold print underneath, a price of only one dollar. churros ould be one of the most underrated, foods ever. It fulfills major parts of the yummy foods pyramid. It is very high in sugar, its deep fried. also very reminiscent of cinnamon toast crunch, which could be considered the healthy alternative to churros if you choose to live a healthy life stlye or have self image problems and cant afford the extra calories . I like how the taste of butter, (or oil, or shortening in the batter or what ever it is,) how is makes me feel good and fat at the same time. I like the sugar that gets lost in my clothing like sand, but this sand is tasty and lick it from under my finger nails. Lick my finger and try to get all the sugar the corner of the paper sleeve it comes in. the churro is consistent, the first bite is as full of sugary goodness, crisp crunch and warm fluff on the inside, as the last bite.

And then one day they changed the sign from churros to fucking pretzels... fucking pretzels? I tired the pretzels, I was not impressed. They even had the nerve to make a cinnamon sugar pretzel. It tastes the way vitamin water taste... watered down juice. This pretzel tasted like a watered down churro, and that really pissed me off. I hate the taste of watered down shit. What the fuck costco, you fucked up big time
So i say we have churro mondays from now on.

i want to smoke what their smoking

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

shitty shitting

Today at work I needed to take a shit, so I did. I locked the door behind me in the single bathroom, and was faced with whenever using a public bathroom, a question I have always had since I was a child. Toilet seat cover or no toilet seat over? Its something we all battle with, a deep internal conflict. Its been something I have always debated, sometimes I use them, sometimes I dont. I dont know if your parents are suppose to teach you this stuff? I was never educated of toilet sanitation and standards, it seems that taking a shit is a personal thing, personally I really enjoy because its just a place that no one really fucks with you, there is a mutual understanding that you just dont fuck with people when they are in the bathroom, its your time and you do what you need to do. Some people take long shits, some people take speed shits, some people use wash clothes, some dont. So what are the standards in the bathroom?

So,I decided to use a cover seat, why? Just because it was there. But last time I took a shit I didnt. Why? Just because I think they are stupid. honestly dont like the feeling of wrinkly waxy paper on my ass, I dont like the sound it makes when I sit down on it. I dont like how delicate this paper is, and if you dont follow the simple instructions of pull up, then down, then you might just rip it that shit.( went through about three sheets before I got it right.) I dont like how it sometimes doesnt line up with the toilet seat so you have to hover over the seat and adjust the paper. Sometimes I just want to shit, and I dont like putting much effort into preparing my seat. What am I protecting my ass from? What are other peoples asses going to give my ass? I dont even find asses that gross, I cant think of the things that you do with your ass that makes it so gross, beside shitting, I cant even think of the last time I had my ass in my face. The only way I could see this “protective” toilet seat cover working is if I needed to protect an open membrane (my asshole) from touching the toilet seat, and protecting it from STIs, im not sure how many people have made asshole to public bathroom toilet seat, but im sure that you have to make a effort just to make it happen.

I live in the dorms that I share with about 20 other people, and I assume that most of the guys on my floor shit at least once a day, and not once do any of those guys use seat covers, why? Because none are provided. Why is that sometimes toilet seat covers are provided and some sometimes they arent? I guess this is where all my confusion and deep hatred for toilet seats began, it wasnt until I had to take shits in public, or share a bathroom with people that are not my family. i have seen instance where people feel the need to cover the toilet to protect thier ass from deadly ass diseases. a technique i have observed is strategically placing individual sheets or strips of paper (you are an asshole if you do this.) But what is the difference between my brothers ass, and my roommates ass?

I talked to my friend claire about shitting, and she told me that she also had a fear of public bathrooms and that she didnt start using them until she got to college. I talked to my brother napoleon who has always hated using public bathrooms. Since I was in elementary school I had a fear of using public bathrooms, mostly because I was embarrassed to stank up the bathroom, and walk out the stall to find my friends complaining about how bad it smells. Or that I would fart so loud that the people taking a piss would laugh. I would wait all day and right when I got home I would take a shit. This was always way of avoiding public bathrooms. But now that everyday in the dorms I use public bathrooms, and almost everyday I dont use a seat cover, I have decided that I dont need a delicate thin protective cover, because I dont really need protection from anything, its awkward feeling, it makes tons of noise and people can obviously tell your about to take a shit, and its a waste of paper (you cant recycle it, you have no choice but to flush it.) so public bathroom users, fuck protective toilet seat covers.

life is enhanced with condiments.

call me an asshole, but i like mayo. mayo is an enhancement to food. kind of like hot sauce. they both enhance the flavor of food. i enjoy mayo on many of my foods, and since coming to college i have found that mayo (along with other condiments) has enhanced the flavor of my food and my life. people tell me that i should not eat ranch because its "gross" and that its bad for you, or that is made of mostly mayo...i know... thats why i eat it. although i am aware to the health risks and how mayo is made, i still enjoy it and i guess you could consider it my guilty please. some people smoke parliaments, i eat mayo. but dont get me wrong, i know my limits, it does taste better on some foods (hotdogs, french fries, sandwiches. ) and should not belong on any foods.

i have heard of people choosing to substitute butter for mayo when making a grilled cheese sandwich. personally, i have never tried it, and i think i would much rather us butter over mayo, but i can understand where they can be tasty. i have also heard of people making mayo and peanut butter (sometimes pickles? wtf?) sandwiches. my initial reaction was disgust, but i have heard several occasions of people enjoying it, and i have considered eating one if anyone ever made me one. i have a good feeling that i would enjoy it too. i would imagine someone got really high and got mad munchies and only had mayo and peanut butter and made this.

i like to combine ketchup, mayo and mustard to make fry sauce, when i make it, my friends tend to give me shit, but they dont know that fry sauce is a regional sauce often eaten in the northwest. the normal reaction when i eat fry sauce is confusion. Minh is the only other person that shares my passion for mayo, we both make fry sauce when we eat our fries. sometimes i enjoy the fry sauce more then the fries, especially when they are potato wedges. when i ask people to try some they cringe. why? probably the mayo. or the pale orange color. but really its yummy in my tummy. honestly its nothing like thousand island, it might be made with similar ingredients but its not tangy and sweet like thousand island, and its not like fry sauce its meant to be smothered onto your fries, its meant to be dipped.

i was first introduced to fry sauce growing up in northeast portland. i often went to arctic circle with my family and we would steal packets of fry sauce because we loved that shit so much. we also combined all the sodas into one cup and some how thought that was tasty, and it always gave us diarrhea, but that is besides the point. from those moments on, from 1st- 3rd grade i can always remember fry sauce being something that enhanced my live.

Since being in college I have found condiments to be an abundant resource. I am glad that I have been able to adapt to what I have to eat. I acquired a taste for hot sauce and use it to make any bland boring meal, spicy and exotic. I have gone so far as to stealing my own personal bottle from the school cafieria. I have also discovered the power of salt, and that the pepper packets dont do shit, and you are better off not even sprinkling those shits on at all. I feel fortunate to be able to take advantage of the infinite ketchup, mustard and mayo packets. Some people get mad that I like mayo so much, but its enhancing my food. Dont hate, im just bettering myself